Always buy your camping gear in December for then will be the winter of your discount tent.
"Nothing is more beautiful than the loneliness of the woods before sunrise." - George Washington Carver
"Nature has been for me, as long as I remember, a source of solace, inspiration, adventure, and delight, a home, a teacher, a companion." - Lorraine Anderson
"The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature. As long this exists, and it certainly always will, I know that then there will be comfort for every sorrow, whatever the circumstances may be. And I firmly believe that nature brings solace in all troubles." - Anne Frank
"If you want to know the definition of 'camping' look up 'Heat Stroke, 'Mud' and 'Insects." - Anonymous
Everything Good about Everything Good
Expand Your Camping Vocabulary
Axe: Inquire
Campus: Show us where to pitch our tent.
Canoe: Are you able.
Extent: Place to put your former spouse.
Flashlite: Exhibitionist quicky.
Fire Pit: When deodorant is applied over razor cuts.
Forced: A place that's full of trees.
Forest: In favor of taking it easy.
Hiking: Friendly greeting for a male monarch.
Impotent: A tent that keeps collapsing.
Latent: The French camping shelter.
Omnipotent: Where doctors sleep.
Patent: Where dad sleeps.
Penitent: A tent that costs only one cent and is really very sorry about it.
Portent: For underprivileged campers.
Scamp: Camp for impish people.
Scamper: The silly way they walk in scamps.
Camp sites: The people in scamps.
Sleeping bag: Nap sack.
Outdoor Survival Tips
A tuba placed on your picnic table will keep campsites on either side vacant.
You can compress the diameter of your rolled-up sleeping bag by running over it with your car.
In emergency situations, you can survive by shooting small game with a slingshot made from the elastic in your underwear.
You can get even with a bear who steals your food by going to his favorite stump and eating the ants.
While the Swiss Army Knife has been popular for years, it has remained largely unheralded. Its single blade functions as a tiny canoe paddle.
Modern rain suits made of fabrics that "breathe" enable campers to stay dry in a downpour. Rain suits that sneeze, cough, belch or flatulate however, have only proven to add embarrassment to the wilderness experience.
Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter. Warning: Remove lint from navel before igniting.
You can duplicate the warmth of a down-filled bedroll by climbing into a plastic garbage bag filled with several geese.
The canoe paddle, a simple device used to propel a boat, should never be confused with a gnu paddle, a similar device used by Tibetan veterinarians.
