Warning: This is going to be perky.  

The Coffee Chronicles

If the coffee you're drinking tastes like mud it was probably ground this morning.

The results of our recent survey are in and it seems that 87 % of our readers stir their coffee with their right hand.  We'd like to respectfully suggest that they use a spoon instead.

Quotation Tracks

"I have measured out my life with coffee spoons."
- T. S. Eliot

"Coffee is good for talent, but genius wants prayer."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?"
- Jean Kerr

 "Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat.".
- Alex Levine

"Coffee should be black as Hell, strong as death, and sweet as love."
- Turkish Proverb

{In Turkey, in the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries, anyone caught drinking coffee was put to death.}


 Did you Know...

...that if you yell for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you'll produce enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

...Johann Sebastian Bach wrote The Coffee Cantata ...probably just so you could set your yelling to music.

Coffee Rulz

A Coffee and Toast

    Kona, Mocha Java, Antigua, Terrazu, Sumatra - we travel around the world for the berry beans that subsequently traverse our preparatory, personal, and purgatory plumbing. Symbiotically we, and the beans, make each other immerge from our shells to find comfort and faith in a nice warm cup of diluted deity.  Ah, that's the stuff!

    From the earliest jitterbugging African goat sightings the bean has been conspicuous, occasionally outlawed, and an ironic fuel which, like petroleum, had no value just a few short centuries ago.  Cafés, once considered sources of intrigue, were  prohibited in France.  Frederick the Great of Prussia, too, wanted to make coffee out-of-bounds in order to encourage his subjects to drink more beer and keep the money from leaving the country. The British, on the other hand, embraced the sowing of the bean in cafes as good for business.  Cafés were called “Penny Universities” for all that you could learn from the conversations therein for the cost of a one-penny cup. Lloyd’s of London was once a café that started ensuring seafaring cargos as a sideline.  The London Stock Exchange too started as a café.

    Coffee even predicts the weather and helps us to lose weight. The bubbles in a cup will tell you what the day’s weather will be if you stare at it before adding milk. If the bubbles float toward the rim, the pressure is low and clouds and stormy weather can be expected. If the bubbles float to the center, the pressure is high and fair weather is likely. When it comes to working out, while not a recommended regimen, if combined with aerobic exercise it helps free up fat cells making them burn off more readily. 

    Coffee shares our consciousness, is best sweetened by good company, has bean around and gets things started.  A toast to you and your coffee: May your cup run over with warm comfort, sweetness, and cordial vigour!


 Coffee Trivia

          1. What colour are the leaves of coffee trees?  

            2. Are coffee beans… beans?  If not, what are they?  

            3. Within $25 how much does the rarest coffee in the world cost? 

            4. How many berries does it take to make one pound of coffee?

            5. Is coffee good for sobering up a drunk person?


 Coffee Trivia Answers


TV Cafe Trivia

Polish Joke

    One evening a man was eating at a diner, when a well-dressed man sitting next to him said, "Excuse me for intruding, but I could not help noticing your accent. Are you from Krakow?"

    "Yes, I am," replied the surprised man.

    "It is so nice to meet a fellow kinsman over here," said the well-dressed man. "I tell you what: I am a vice-president at Smedley & Sons. If you ever need a job, give me a call and I will be happy to set you up."

    Six months go by, and the man loses his job, and decides to call his new friend. He had completely forgotten the man's name at this point, so he decided to take a shot in the dark. The receptionist answered, and he asked, "Pardon me, do you have a Krakauer there?"

    "Sir," the receptionist replied, "we don't even get a coffee break!"


You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When...

Parting Thought

Coffee will be the urination of me.

Catalog of Chronicles

Funny Definitions