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Ultrasound: The noise a crying baby makes.
Umbilical Cord: Baby Bungee.
Undermine: Relative position; ‘There’s an attractive lady in the apartment undermine.’
University: 1) Encompasses one half of diversity.2) A modern school where football is taught.
Upgrade: Result of studying hard
Undertakers: The last people who’ll let you down.
Veja Du: The feeling you've never been there before.
Velocipede: Very fast, multi-legged creature.
Vertigo: What a tour book tells you.
Viaduct: Why not a chicken?
Volcano: Mountain with hiccups.
Voluntary Aerobics: Wearing bunny slippers near hunting dogs.
Want: An ant in need.
Wart-hog: The result of crossing a pig with a frog.
Water Color: Splashes of reflection.
Weelief: The feeling you get spotting a rest stop on the interstate.
Wench: What you use to turn the head of a dolt.
Wife: 1) A lady with a whim of iron; 2) The one person with whom, in an argument, if you win - you lose; 3) The spouse that always feels she doesn't dance enough.
Will: 1) A dead giveaway. 2) A relative thing.
Wind: Like air, only pushier.
Wok: What you thwow at a wabbit.
Women: 1) Derived from "woe to men". 2) The female of the speeches.
Wurst: Jokes about German sausage (with "the")
Yawn: A silent shout - inside out.
Yearbook: A book of pictures that get nerdier with time.
Yes-men: Guys who patronize a man who nobody noes.
Yoke: 1) Yolly Yocularity by a Yester. 2) Swedish anecdote.
Youthful figure: What you get when asking a woman's age.
Yo-yo: Something occasionally up but normally down (see also "computer").
Yule log: Deforesting command.
Yuppie: A cheer that arises from insane profits.
Zebra: A sports model horsey.
More Funny Definitions
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