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Ultrasound: The noise a crying baby makes.

Umbilical Cord: Baby Bungee.

Undermine: Relative position; ‘There’s an attractive lady in the apartment undermine.’

University: 1) Encompasses one half of diversity.2) A modern school where football is taught.

Upgrade: Result of studying hard

Undertakers: The last people who’ll let you down.



Varicose: Nearby.

Veja Du: The feeling you've never been there before.

Vein: Conceited

Velocipede:  Very fast, multi-legged creature.

Vertigo: What a tour book tells you.

Viaduct: Why not a chicken?

Volcano: Mountain with hiccups.

Voluntary Aerobics: Wearing bunny slippers near hunting dogs.


Want: An ant in need.

Wart-hog: The result of crossing a pig with a frog. 

Water Color: Splashes of reflection.

Weelief: The feeling you get spotting a rest stop on the interstate.

Wench: What you use to turn the head of a dolt.

Wife: 1) A lady with a whim of iron; 2) The one person with whom, in an argument, if you win - you lose; 3) The spouse that always feels she doesn't dance enough.

Will: 1) A dead giveaway. 2) A relative thing.

Wind: Like air, only pushier.

Wok: What you thwow at a wabbit.

Women: 1) Derived from "woe to men". 2) The female of the speeches.

Wurst: Jokes about German sausage (with "the")


Yawn:  A silent shout - inside out.

Yearbook: A book of pictures that get nerdier with time.

Yes-men: Guys who patronize a man who nobody noes.

Yoke: 1) Yolly Yocularity by a Yester. 2) Swedish anecdote.

Youthful figure: What you get when asking a woman's age.

Yo-yo: Something occasionally up but normally down (see also "computer").

Yule log: Deforesting command.

Yuppie: A cheer that arises from insane profits.




Zebra:  A sports model horsey.



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