Expand Your Vocabulary

Ó2001 Systemagic Productions  

S.  

Sadism: The standard deviation of the mean.  

Sadist: 1) Little old whine maker. 2) A masochist who follows the Golden Rule.

Sailing: Mast transit. 

Sales talk: Trade wind.

Sandwich: An faulty attempt to make both ends meat. 

Sarcasm: 1) Barbed Ire. 2) Quiplash.

Scamp: Camp for impish people.

Scamper: The silly way they walk in scamps.

Scar: Rolled tobacco leaf.

Sculptor: A poor guy who makes faces and busts.

School: Building with four walls and tomorrow inside.

Schwiggle: The amusing rotation of one's bottom while sharpening a pencil.

Sculptor: A poor unfortunate who makes faces and busts. 

Seamstress: 50 pounds in a size six.

Secret: Something we tell everyone not to tell anyone.

Secretion: Hiding something.

Security: What guards drink.

Sedimental: Sappy syrupy sloppy gush.

Seed:  Past tense of the verb 'to see'.

Seizure: Roman Emperor.

Selfish: What the owner of a seafood store does.

Semantics: Pranks conducted by young priesthood students.

Semicolon: Bowel resection remnant.

Semi-conductor: One who directs 18 wheelers.

Senility: When you're years beyond your wise.

Sex: Bags used for the storage of potatoes.

Shakespeare: What to do to frighten the enemy.

Shamrock: Cubic zirconia.

Shellfish: A lobster that wants everything his way.

Sharewear: Used clothing.

Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

Shipment: Sent by car, as opposed to cargo, which is sent by ship.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

Silicon: An idiotic prisoner

Silk: Fabric made so that women could go naked in clothes.

Single:  Footloose and fiancée free.

Skinheads: More hair than brains.

Skydiving: Good till the last drop.

Slay ride. Automobile excursion with a Mafia hitman.

Sleep: 1) A poor substitute for caffeine. 2) Fleeting moment just before the alarm.

Sleeping bag: Nap sack.

Smile: Mirth Mark.

Snackmosphere: The 95% air inside bags of potato chips.

Snowbank: Where Eskimos keep their money.

Spare Time: You're lookin' at it.

Spelunk: The sound someone makes when they hit the bottom of a cave.

Spinster: Woman who has never learned to tie a beau.

Spokesperson: Bicycle wheel manufacturer.

Spongecake: Dessert made of borrowed ingredients.

Spreadsheets. What you do first when you want to yield little tax deductions.

Squeegie Begger:  Windshield viper.

Stagecoach: Drama teacher.

Stain: Remain inside.

Stalemate: Ex-spouse.

Stick: A boomerang that doesn’t work.

Subdued: Like, a guy, like, works on one of those, like, submarines, man

Sudzicle: Ice-cold beer.

Sunbather: A fry in the ointment.

Supercomputer: What it sounded like before you bought it.

Supreme Court: (1) It corrects the errors of the lower courts by perpetuating its own.  (2) Where people go if they have anything left after getting out of the lower courts

Surrogate mother: Hired labour.

Suspense:

Suspicion: Why do you want to know?

Symphony: Pretending to feel sad for someone.

Syntax: Money collected in church.

    Sufficiently sincere speech shifts spirit and shows substantial subsequence.  Sentiment, subsequently speech, and successively substance, systematically supported, shows Solomon-like sagacity.  Subsequently systemization is significant, sensing self, and separate specifics, as something special in speaking scintillatingly, sensationally, securely, sensitively, and, significantly, sincerely.