Expand Your Vocabulary

Ó2001 Systemagic Productions  

H.  

Hamlet: A little pig.

Handi-wipes: Pants, shirt-sleeves, drapes, etc.

Hanging: 1) An early western form of Bungee Jumping. 2) Suspended sentence.

Hangnail: Coat hook.

Hangover: 1) The wrath of grapes. 2) Mourning after the night before.

Hardware: The part you kick.

Harp: Naked Piano.

Hearsay: What toddlers do when they hear a dirty word.

Hebrew: The “Manly” beer.

Hen: Egg spurt.  

Herbalists: Followers of "Herb".

Heroes: What a guy in a boat does (click here)

Heterodyne: Eating with someone of the opposite sex.

Hiking: Friendly greeting for a male monarch.

Holy War: A war, for God's sake.

Home Cooking: A place where many men think their wives are.

Homemade Bread: An object of fiction like the Fountain of Youth and the Golden Fleece.

Homepage: When your family makes your beeper go off.  

Homosexual: A man's man.

Honeymoon:  1) A short period of doting between dating and debting. 2) The time between 'I do' and 'You'd better!' 3) Morning after the knot before.

Honeymoon Salad: Lettuce alone, with no dressing.

Horse: Stable animal.

Horse Sense: 1) Stable behavior. 2) The thing a horse has that keeps it form betting on people.

Hospitals: Places where the run down wind up.

Hot: Blood-pumping organ.

Hotel: Place where dollars are given for quarters.

Hug: A roundabout way of expressing affection.

Hula: Welcome waggin'.

Humerus: Tell us what we want to hear.

Hunters: Deer people. 

Hypochondria: Compulsively feeling like a hippopotamus.

Hypothalmus: A Thalamus the size of a large animal.

Hydrophobia: Fear of utility companies.

Hyperspace: More energetic than normal space.

Hypotenuse: An aircraft’s toilet in use during flight.

Hysteria: Fear of snakes.