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Easter: Further to the east.
Eclipse: What a barber does.
Ecstatic: Formerly charged with electric particles.
Egotist: 1) Someone who is always me-deep in conversation.
2) One who suffers from I strain.
Electrician: Person who wires for money
Emporium at the End of the Universe
Encrypt: Where Egyptian mummies sleep.
Enema: Not a friend.
Enlist: n, n, n, n, n, ...
Epistle: What apostle's are always firing off.
Epoch: The sound made by a hen.
Escape: One size larger than an "R" cape.
Esplanade: Explanation attempt while drunk.
Etc.: Used to make it appear as if you know more than you do etc.
Euphemasia: New politically correct name for Political Correctness:
Evolution: 1) From goo to you by way of the zoo. 2) Nature's way of upgrading the hardware.3) How scientists make monkeys of themselves.
Exlax: Formerly the Los Angeles Airport.
Experience: Perils of wisdom.
Express: Formerly of print media.
Extent: Place to put your former spouse.
Eyedropper: Clumsy ophthalmologist
F: School grade that can usually be altered to look like a "B".
Fad: In one era and out the other.
Far: A conflagration.
Fat free: No extra charge for the fat.
Facts: Things which tend to moderate opinions.
Faith: Where your eyeth, nothe and mouth are located.
Fast-Food: Economy Gastronomy.
Father: Banker provided by nature.
Fatherhood: Cowl for a dad.
Fauxpass: The fake slip of paper that a student uses as a hall pass.
Fear: False Evidence Appearing Real.Feature: A defect with seniority.
Fee-fi-fo-bia: Fear of giants.
Felicity: A town inhabited by happy cats.
Felonious assault: Attacking someone with a cat.
Ferret: 1) Cross between a dachshund and a cat. 2) Chaos theory with teeth, claws and a slight odor.
Fester: 1) Actor in Gunsmoke. 2) Quicker.
Feudalism: It's your Count that votes.
Fibrillate: To tell a lie in the wee hours of the morning.
Fibula: Small lie.
Fiction: It can't hold a scandal to biography.
Fingers: Digital calculators.Fish Fryer: Chip monk.
Flabbergasted: Appalled about weight gain.
Flail: Not to succeed.
Flatulence: Emergency vehicle for steamroller accident victims.
Flippant: Like a fish.
Florist: Petal pusher.
Fjord: Norwegian automobile.
Fobia: Fear of misspelled words
Fog: The air apparent.
Foot: Device for finding Legos in the dark.
Footnote: Sole music.
Forced: Place that's full of trees.
Forebearers: Ancestors who were in favour of grizzlies.
Forecasts: What you need when you break both arms and legs.
Forest: In favour of taking it easy.
Forger: Person who gives checks a bad name.
Foreclose: Toward apparel; If I buy food, I'll have no money foreclose.
Forfeit: What most animals stand on.
Fork: Eating utensil made obsolete by the discovery of fingers.
Form: Administrative currency.
Fortify: More than forty-four, less than forty-six.
Fortitude: Life after age forty-one.
Free: The number preceding fore.
Frog: Amphibian with edible legs.
Fruit: A natural sweet not to be confused with dessert.
Fuchsia: Opposite of past.
Fun: (Single's Ad Translation) Annoying
Fungi: Life of the party.
Futuristic: No other reason why it looks the way it does.
Galery: Ladies Room.
Gardener: Plant manager.
Gardens: Weed 'em and reap.
Gargoyle: Oyster flavoured mouthwash.
Gator Aid: Florida Environmental Group.
Gemuine: Authentic precious stone.
Geneology: 1) Chasing your own tale. 2) Tracing how you descended from someone who didn't. 3) It's all relative in the end anyway.
Genocide: The mass slaughter of genies.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Glacier: Man who fixes windows.
Giraffiti: Vandalous spray-painting really high up.
Glimo: To attempt to see who is in the back of a limousine.
GOD: Generator, Operator and Destroyer
Golf: 1) The only game where players get teed off before starting. 2) A game where the ball usually lies poorly and the player well. 3) A lovely walk spoiled by a little white ball. 4) Baseball for those that don't have 8 friends.
Golfer: Yells "Fore!", Takes Five, Writes Down Three.
Gonzo: No dweeb.
Gossip: 1) Someone with a sense of rumor. 2) Someone who syndicates their conversation. 3) Knife of the party.
Granite: Presupposed; as in, to take things for granite.
Grippe: A handle on a suitcase for flu medicines.
Ground water: Crushed ice.
Gum: Adhesive for hair.
More Funny Definitions:
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Positive Adjective Glossary