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E.

Easter: Further to the east.

Eclipse: What a barber does.

 

Ecstatic: Formerly charged with electric particles.

Egotist: 1) Someone who is always me-deep in conversation.  2) One who suffers from I strain.

Electrician: Person who wires for money

Emporium at the End of the Universe

Encrypt: Where Egyptian mummies sleep.

Enema: Not a friend.

Enlist: n, n, n, n, n, ... 

Epistle: What apostle's are always firing off.

Epoch: The sound made by a hen.

Escape: One size larger than an "R" cape.

Esplanade: Explanation attempt while drunk. 

Etc.: Used to make it appear as if you know more than you do etc.

Euphemasia: New politically correct name for Political Correctness:

Evolution: 1) From goo to you by way of the zoo. 2) Nature's way of upgrading the hardware.3) How scientists make monkeys of themselves.

Exlax: Formerly the Los Angeles Airport.

Experience: Perils of wisdom.  

Express:  Formerly of  print media.

Extent: Place to put your former spouse.

Eyedropper: Clumsy ophthalmologist

 

 

 F.

F: School grade that can usually be altered to look like a "B".

Fad: In one era and out the other.

Far: A conflagration.

Fat free: No extra charge for the fat.

Facts: Things which tend to moderate opinions.

Faith: Where your eyeth, nothe and mouth are located.

Fast-Food: Economy Gastronomy.

Father: Banker provided by nature.

Fatherhood: Cowl for a dad.

Fauxpass: The fake slip of paper that a student uses as a hall pass.

Fear: False Evidence Appearing Real.

Feature: A defect with seniority.

Fee-fi-fo-bia: Fear of giants.

Felicity: A town inhabited by happy cats.

Felonious assault: Attacking someone with a cat.

Ferret: 1) Cross between a dachshund and a cat. 2) Chaos theory with teeth, claws and a slight odor.

Fester: 1) Actor in Gunsmoke. 2) Quicker.

Feudalism: It's your Count that votes.

Fibrillate: To tell a lie in the wee hours of the morning.

Fibula: Small lie.

Fiction: It can't hold a scandal to biography.

Fingers: Digital calculators.

Fish Fryer: Chip monk.

Flabbergasted: Appalled about weight gain.

Flail: Not to succeed.

Flatulence: Emergency vehicle for steamroller accident victims.

Flippant: Like a fish.  

Florist: Petal pusher.

Fjord: Norwegian automobile.

Fobia: Fear of misspelled words

Fog: The air apparent.

Foot: Device for finding Legos in the dark.

Footnote: Sole music.

Forced: Place that's full of trees.

Forebearers: Ancestors who were in favour of grizzlies.

Forecasts: What you need when you break both arms and legs.  

Forest: In favour of taking it easy.

 

Forger: Person who gives checks a bad name.

Foreclose: Toward apparel; If I buy food, I'll have no money foreclose.

Forfeit: What most animals stand on.

Fork: Eating utensil made obsolete by the discovery of fingers.

Form: Administrative currency.

Fortify: More than forty-four, less than forty-six.

Fortitude: Life after age forty-one.

Free: The number preceding fore.

Frog: Amphibian with edible legs.

Fruit: A natural sweet not to be confused with dessert.

Fuchsia: Opposite of past.

Fun: (Single's Ad Translation) Annoying

Fungi: Life of the party.

Futuristic: No other reason why it looks the way it does.

 

G.

 

Galery: Ladies Room.

Gardener: Plant manager.

Gardens: Weed 'em and reap.

Gargoyle:  Oyster flavoured mouthwash.  

Gator Aid: Florida Environmental Group.

Gemuine: Authentic precious stone.

Geneology: 1) Chasing your own tale. 2) Tracing how you descended from someone who didn't. 3) It's all relative in the end anyway. 

Genocide: The mass slaughter of genies.

Germinate: To become a naturalized German.

Glacier: Man who fixes windows.

Giraffiti: Vandalous spray-painting really high up.

Glimo: To attempt to see who is in the back of a limousine.

Gluttonous: Hippobottomless.

Goad: Went

GOD: Generator, Operator and Destroyer

Golf: 1) The only game where players get teed off before starting. 2) A game where the ball usually lies poorly and the player well. 3) A lovely walk spoiled by a little white ball. 4) Baseball for those that don't have 8 friends.

Golfer: Yells "Fore!", Takes Five, Writes Down Three.

Gonzo: No dweeb.

Gossip: 1) Someone with a sense of rumor. 2) Someone who syndicates their conversation. 3) Knife of the party.

Granite: Presupposed; as in, to take things for granite.

Grippe: A handle on a suitcase for flu medicines. 

Ground water: Crushed ice.

Gum: Adhesive for hair.

 

 

More Funny Definitions:

AB         CD         HIJKL         MNOP          QRST         UVWXYZ

Positive Adjective Glossary 

 

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