Child Safe Content

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Cabbage:  1) The fare you pay the taxi driver. 2) The number of years a taxi has existed.

Mr. Bean as a cabbage

Calorie: Unit denoting how good food tastes.

Calzone:  That particular zone where one pigs out on pizza.

Camelot: The place to shop for a used dromedary.

Campus: Show us where to pitch our tent.

Cancer: The cure for smoking.

Cannibal: One who gets fed up with people.

Canoe: Are you able.

Can opener: Bathroom key.  

Cantaloupe: Unable to run away and get married.

Capital Punishment: Income Tax

Capsize: Head measurement.  

Cards: Game devices with which a good deal depends on a good deal.

Carnation: Auto land.

Carnivore: Someone who watches people dancing and playing music in the street.

Carp Diem: Fish of the Day. 

Cartoons: 1) Music played in an automobile. 2) Devices used by newspapers to say what an editor dare not.

Cartoonist: Auto mechanic.

Case: The amount of beer chugged by your attorney before breakfast.

Cashew: Sound of a nut sneezing.

Castanet: What they did to fill the role of Frankie Avalon's movie girlfriend.

Cat: 1) Small, four legged, furry extortionist resembling a meatloaf. 2) Walking ego with an attitude problem. 3) Alien that took over the Earth millennia ago. 4) Lapwarmer with built-in buzzer.


Cataclysm: Bible study classes for cats.

Caterpillar: 1) Upholstered worm.2) A soft scratching post for cats.

Cat Scan: Very expensive modality for finding a missing hamster.

Catatonic: Feline medicinal drink.

Caviar Emptor: Let the Fish Beware!

Cause: The noises made by crows.

Cauterize:  Made eye contact with her.

Celebrity: Person who is well-known for their well-knownness.

Cell: The opposite of bi.

Cemetery: 1) A marble orchard you can take for granite. 2) Death row.

Censor: One who sticks his no's into other people's business.

Census taker: Man who goes from house to house increasing the population.

Centipede: A metric inchworm.

Cesarean Section: Historic district in Rome.  

Chairity: Donating your La-Z-Boy.

Chicken: The egg's way of making more eggs.

Childhood: Cowl for a youngster.

Children: 1) Unreasonable facsimiles. 2) Heir raising experiences.

China: Legendary nation reportedly populated by children who love leftover vegetables.

Chinese Spy: Peiking Tom.

Chiropractors: Manipulators.  

Church: Place where you encounter nodding acquaintances.

Circumference: Original knight of the round table.

Circumvent: Opening in the front of boxer shorts

Class Action: Quality activity

Claustrophobia: Fear of Santa.

Coffee:  1) Sneezy's younger brother. 2) Consciousness. 3) Someone who's coughed upon. 4) Break fluid.


Coffin: Chest cold symptom.

Coincide: What to do when it starts raining.

Collage: French institute of higher education.

College: The bread of life; a four year loaf.

Coma: Punctuation mark.  

Command: Suggestion made to a computer.

Committee: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

Compalatable: Two people with the same taste in art.

Compatible: Progress and pet this male bovine.

Computer: 1) A box that you can never completely fill with money. 2) Very fast, very precise device for generating mistakes.

Con Artist: The guy who draws pictures of suspects.

Conductor:  A musician who is adept at following many people at the same time.

Confusion: The oldest religion in China.  

Conference: Confusion of one person multiplied by the number present.

Congenital: Friendly.

Congress: Opposite of progress.

Consciousness:  Annoying time between naps.

Conscript: One who is forced to fight for freedom.

Consensus: Prison population survey.

Conservative:  Someone who believes that nothing should be done for the first time. 

Considerable: What bullfighters do.  

Consist: A growth on an inmate.

Contents: Camping shelters for prisoners.

Contrite: The lament of an illiterate person.

Control: A short, ugly inmate

Copper Nitrate: What policemen get paid for working evenings.

Copyright: Duplicating a computer disk without errors.

Cordial: Describes death by hanging.  

Core Memory: A Marine's nostalgia.

Corkscrew: Device used to open a conversation.

Cosmetics: A means to prevent men from reading between the lines.

Counterfeiters: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.

Courage: Fear extinguisher.

Court: A place where they dispense with justice.

Cow: Machine that makes grass palatable for humans.

Cramming: Eating too many snacks while studying.

Crash: Normal termination.

Cremation: Used in coffee.

Cribbage: Baby's bedroom.

Croissant: Angry ant.

Curate: How quickly paint dries.

Cursor: Computer expert in four-letter words.

Curtail: Tale told by a junkyard mutt.

Cyclone: To ride a bike without company.

Cymbals: Little pictures that mean things.

Cytology: Study of locations.






Dachshund: Half a dog high by a dog and a half long.

Dalmatian: Consignment to Hell.

Dare:  Not here... dare!

Daze: Opposite of knights.

Dead: Terminally inconvenienced.

Death:  1) Something you can live without. 2) Natures was of telling you to slow down.

Debate:  What lures de fish.

Debunk:  Where de cowboy sleeps.

Decaf: 1) Used to sober up after drinking non-alcholic beer. 2) To deliver a newborn bovine.

Decrease: De fold in de pants.

Define: De ting you get fo' breakin' de law.

Deja Stew: Leftovers

Delicate:  A dainty kitten who likes kosher food.

Democracy: How voters choose who to blame.

Demote: What de king put round de castle.

Denial:  A river in Egypt.

Dense:  What your car gets in a fender bender.

Dentist:  One who lives from hand to mouth.

Depth: Height turned upside down.

Depressed: Wrinkled

Derive: Something to avoid when you derink.

Dermatology:  Rash judgments.

Derange: A place where de cowboys ride.

Deranged: Driven off the ranch.

Dermatology: Rash judgments.

Deserter: Soldier who stuffs himself with all the ice cream and cream cakes.

Desk: A large wastebasket with drawers and a phone

Despair: De extra tire in de trunk.

Despise: People who work for the CIA.

Destabilize:  To take the horse out for a trot.

Dessert: The reason for eating a meal.

Detention: What causes de stress.

Dew: Air that looks wet.

Diagnostic:  To expire not knowing whether God exists.

Diarrhea:  Journal of daily events.

Diary: Book of revelations.

Dictator: Another name for Richard Spud.

Dictionary: The only place where Success comes before work.

Diatonic: Low fat drink.

Diet: 1) For people who are thick and tired of it all. 2) Gut reaction. 3) Triumph of mind over platter. 4) What some women do to their hair. 5) Keeping willpower dominant over won't power.

DiJon Vu: The feeling that you've tasted this mustard before. 

Dilate: To live long.

Dilemma: A pickle.

Dime:  Dollar after taxes.

Dimple:  Pimple going the other way.

Diode: What happens to people who don't die young.

Dioxen: What you shout as you kill a bunch of buffalo-like cattle.

Diploma: Di man who fixes di pipes.

Diplomacy: 1) The art of letting someone else get your way. 2) Lying in state.

Disappointment:  Particular meeting.

Discord: Not to be confuse with Datcord.

Discount: CD store inventory.

Disgruntled: Pigs with laryngitis.

Dispirited: Out of gin.

Distain: The one on your pants.

DNA: The building block of life and appropriately shaped like a spiral staircase to nowhere.

Doctor:  Cures ills with pills and kills with bills.

Doghouse:  Mutt hut.

Dog Pound: Used cur lot.

Dogma: Puppy's mom.

Dogmatic: Man's best mechanical friend.

Dogmatism: Fully grown puppymatism. 

Doltergeist: A spirit that decides to haunt someplace stupid, such as your septic tank.

Draft: An ill wind from which many a young man has caught his death.

Dramatize:  What well-dressed actors wear.

Drug:  A substance that, when injected into a rat, produces a scientific paper.

Duck: Chicken on snow shoes.

Dual: A fight over love & money or jealousy & infidelity for example.

Duet: Don't just sit there!

Due Tomorrow: Do tomorrow.

Dust Rags: See "Dadís Underwear"

Dyslexia: Beeing Sackwards.

More Funny Definitions:

AB                   EFG                   HIJKL                   MNOP                   QRST                   UVWXYZ


Positive Adjective Glossary