Expand Your Vocabulary
Ó2001
Systemagic Productions
C.
Cabbage:
1) The fare you pay the taxi driver. 2) The number of years a taxi has
existed.
Calorie:
Unit denoting how good food tastes.
Calzone:
That particular zone where one pigs out on pizza.
Camelot: The place to shop for a used dromedary.
Campus: Show us where to pitch our tent.
Cancer:
The cure for smoking.
Cannibal: One who gets fed up with people.
Canoe: Are you able.
Can opener:
Bathroom key.
Cantaloupe: Unable to run away and get married.
Capital Punishment: Income Tax
Capsize: Head
measurement.
Cards: Game devices with which a good deal depends on a good deal.
Carnation: Auto land.
Carnivore: Someone who watches people dancing and playing music in the street.
Carp Diem: Fish of the Day.
Cartoons:
1) Music played in an automobile.
Cartoonist: Auto mechanic.
Case: The amount of beer
chugged by your attorney before breakfast.
Castanet: What they did to
fill the role of Frankie Avalon's movie girlfriend.
Castrate:
Hotel rate for actors.
Castration: A eunuch
experience.
Cat:
1) Small, four legged, furry extortionist resembling a meatloaf. 2) Walking
ego with an attitude problem. 3) Alien that took over the Earth millennia ago.
Cataclysm:
Bible study classes for cats.
Caterpillar: 1) Upholstered worm.2) A soft scratching post for cats.
Cat
Scan: Very expensive modality for finding a missing hamster.
Catatonic: Feline medicinal drink.
Caviar Emptor: Let the Fish Beware!
Cause:
The noises made by crows.
Cauterize:
Made eye contact with her.
Celebrity:
Person who is well-known for their well-knownness.
Cell:
The opposite of bi.
Cemetery:
1) A marble orchard you can take for granite. 2) Death row.
Censor: One who sticks his
no's into other people's business.
Census taker: Man
who goes from house to house increasing the population.
Centipede:
A metric inchworm.
Cesarean
Section: Historic district in Rome.
Chairity: Donating
your La-Z-Boy.
Chaste:
Why virgins run.
Chicken: The egg's way of making more eggs.
Children:
1) Unreasonable facsimiles.
China: Legendary nation reportedly populated by children who love leftover vegetables.
Chinese Spy: Peiking Tom.
Chiropractors: Manipulators.
Church: Place where you encounter nodding acquaintances.
Circumference: Original knight of the round table.
Circumvent: Opening in the front of boxer shorts
Claustrophobia: Fear of Santa.
Cleavage: Something you
can both approve of and look down upon.
Cobra: Bra worn by Siamese
twins.
Coffee: 1) Sneezy's younger brother. 2) Consciousness. 3) Someone who's coughed upon. 4) Break fluid.
Coffin: Chest cold symptom.
Coincide:
What to do when it starts raining.
Collage: French institute of higher education.
College: 1) The bread of life; a four year loaf. 2) Where girls go for facts and guys go for figures.
Coma: Punctuation mark.
Command: Suggestion made to a
computer.
Committee: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
Compalatable: Two people with the same taste in art.
Computer: 1) A box that you can never completely fill with money. 2) Very fast, very precise device for generating mistakes.
Con Artist: The guy
who draws pictures of suspects.
Conductor: A musician who is adept at following many people at the same time.
Confusion: The oldest
religion in China.
Condominiums: Tiny
rubber contraceptives.
Conference: Confusion of one person multiplied by the number present.
Congenital: Friendly.
Conscience: (1) That part of
the psyche which dissolves in alcohol
Consciousness: Annoying time between naps.
Conscript: One who is forced to fight for freedom.
Consensus: Prison population survey.
Conservative: Someone who believes that nothing should be done for the first time.
Considerable: What
bullfighters do.
Consist: A growth on an
inmate.
Contents: Camping shelters for
prisoners.
Contraceptives: Devices to be used on all conceivable occasions.
Contrite:
The lament of an illiterate person.
Control: A short, ugly inmate
Cookie: Virgin doughnut.
Copper Nitrate: What policemen get paid for working evenings.
Copulation: Sex between two consenting police.
Copyright: Duplicating a computer disk without errors.
Cordial: Describes
death by hanging.
Core
Memory: A Marine's nostalgia.
Corkscrew: Device used to open a conversation.
Cosmetics: A means to prevent men from reading between the lines.
Counterfeiters: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.
Courage: Fear extinguisher.
Court: A place where they dispense with justice.
Cow: Machine that makes grass palatable for humans.
Cramming: Eating too many snacks while studying.
Crap: What you'll find in a dyslexic fisherman's cooler.
Crash: Normal termination.
Cremation: Used in coffee.
Cribbage: Baby's bedroom.
Croissant: Angry ant.
Curate: How quickly paint dries.
Cursor: Computer expert in four-letter words.
Curtail: Tale told by a junkyard mutt.
Cyclone: To ride a bike without company.
Cymbals: Little pictures that mean things.
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