of English Words
2001-2018 Systemagic Productions
Aaaack: Utterance upon running face first into a spider web - and realizing that you don't know where the spider is now.
Aardvark: The honest way to make money.
Abash: A great party.
Abdicate: To renounce stomach exercisesAbdominal: Legendary snowman.
Abominable: What you have when a male bovine swallows dynamite.
Absentee: Missing golf accessory.
Abstract Logic: 1. See definition two. 2. See definition one.
Abundance: Big party held in a bakery.
Abundunce: A dumb bunny.
Acclaim: Something a good insurance agent knows how to handle.
Accordion: Pleated bagpipe.
Accordianated: Ability to drive and refold a road map at the same time.
Accountant: 1) Person who feels good when things are looking black. 2) One who uses your books to figure his profit.
Accrue: People who run a ship.
Accumulate: Slang way of asking, "Why are you tardy?"
Acetone: Thatís the sound when you pick up the phone.
Acme: Pimples on the tip of your nose.
Acoustic: What you play pool with.
Acquit: Fed-up employee statement.
Acre: Someone who aches.
Acronym: Name for a gymnast.
Acupuncture: A jab well done.
Adamant: The first insect.
Address: Attire worn by some females.
Adventure: Somewhere between entertainment and panic.
After dinner mint: Funds required upon receipt of check.
Aftermath: Period following algebra.
Air pollution: Mist demeanor.
Airplane: A lot of parts flying in close formation.
Alarm clock: Machine that scares the daylights into people without kids.
Alcoholic: A person who drinks more than his physician.
Alimony: 1) Fee for name-dropping. 2) Bye now, pay later. 3) Bounty after the mutiny. 4) The high cost of leaving. 5) The billing without the cooing.
Aloha: Reduce volume; Ďplease speak in aloha voice.íAlone: What the bank leaves you.Alphabet: Fifty percent of a wager.Allure: See Debate.
Alp: A European skierís shout for assistance.
Ambidextrose: Able to put sugar in coffee with both hands.
Amenable: A prayer.
America: One nation, under God, with liberty, large fries, and a Coke to go.
Amidst: Thick fog.
Amoebit: Amoeba/rabbit cross able to multiply and divide at the same time.Anaerobic: Unwilling to exercise.
Anno Domini (AD): No more dominoes.
Antacid: Hallucinogenic drugs used by little bugs.
Ants: People who marry uncles.
Antiquarian: Ant born between Jan 21-Feb 23.
Antelope: A type of family scandal.
Apathy: Who cares?
Apex: Former spouse of a gorilla.
Apparent: One's mother or father.
Apricot: Where a baby gorilla sleeps.
Aquarium: Interactive television for cats.
Arachnoleptic Fit: The frantic dance performed just after accidentally walking through a spider web.
Arbitrator: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.
Archaic: What we eat after ar dinner.
Archaeologist: 1) Ghoul with credentials. 2) Person whose career lies in ruins.
Armadillo: 1) Possum on the half-shell. 2) Texas speed bump.
Aroma: Whisper heard by nose.
Aromatic: Automatic longbow.
Arson: Not ar daughter.
Array: What comes out of Buck Roger's gun.
Arrays: What you demand from your boss.
Arrears: Our two organs of hearing.
Arteologist: One who digs old paintings.
Artery: Study of paintings.
Artifact: Something only an art major would know.
Artistic License: You're looking at it.
Aspirin: Having great ambitions.
Asset: A little donkey.
Astronaut: Whirled traveler.
Astronomer: Night watchman.
Atheism: 1) A deep religious faith in the non-existence of God. 2) A non-prophet organization.
Atheist: One with no invisible means of support.
Atomizer: Cheapskate who hoards microscopic particles.
Attorney: Major sporting event.
Authorize: What writers see with.Automobile: A four-wheeled vehicle that runs up hills and down pedestrians.Autumn: When nature goes baroque.
Awestruck: Feeling when your team loses unexpectedly.
Avoidable: What a bullfighter does.
Baby-Sitter: 1) A teen-ager who must behave like an adult so that adults may behave like teen-agers. 2) One you hire to watch TV.
Bachelor: 1) A man who Mrs. nothing. 2) An unaltared male. 3) A rolling stone that gathers no boss.
Bacteria: Lunchroom for chiropractors.
Bail: Made hay.
Bailiff: Dried up leaf, used in cooking.
Bald: When youíre taller than your hair.
Balderdash: Rapidly receding hairline.
Baloney: Where some hemlines fall.
Banality: Any joke about a banana. For example:..
Bananosecond: Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement.
Bandwidth: Limited by the size of the stage.
Bar: What a Southerner hunts in the woods.
Bar Stool: What hillbillies sometimes step in.
Barbarous: Bad hair cut.
Bard: Past tense of "to borrow."
Bargain: Buy two soaps and get one free.
Barium: What you do with dead chemists.
Baroque: When you are out of Monet.
Barren: A naked bird.
Bawlroom: Hospital nursery.
Beach Wiccan: A sand witch.
Beatnik: Santa Claus the day after Christmas.
Beauty: 1) [Internal] A quality that most times comes from within - jars, tubes and bottles; 2) [External] Given by Mother Nature and taken by Father Time.
Beauty parlour: A place where women curl up and dye.
Bee: Fly with a fur coat.
Beheading: Loss of face.
Belly button: Salt holder when eating celery in bed.
Benign: What you be after you be eight.
Bernadette: The act of torching a mortgage.
Bigotry: One of the California redwoods.
Bikini: Public Waist.
Bipolar: Eskimo marketing slogan.
Bison: What a buffalo says to his kid when he's leaving.
Bit: Unit by which computer programmers lose their sanity.
Black hole: 1) God dividing by zero. 2) The "subway" of the universe.
Blunderbuss: Vehicle used for random traveling.
Book: The original random access device.
Boss: Someone who's late when you're early and early when you're late.
Bottom: What the shopper did when she found the shoes that she wanted.
Boulder: Less timid.
Boy: A noise with dirt on it.
Bother: a Pooh poo.
Bouyant: Male hill insect.
Bore: Someone who talks about himself when he should be talking about yourself.
Brain: The apparatus with which we think that we think.
Breadth: A wide loaf.
Buccaneer: Unit cost of corn on the cob.
Bucktooth: Going rate for the tooth fairy.
Budget: 1) A record of what the money should have been spent for.2) Methodical debt incursion.
Buffet: French for making a pig of yourself.
Bulimia: Retched excess.
Bulldozer: Someone who sleeps through political speeches.
Bungalow: Unfortunate buffalo that can't do anything right.
Bunion: Paul's surname.
Bunny: Bakery characteristic.
Bureaucat: A kitty who sleeps on your undies.
Burglarize: What a crook sees with.
Bust: Stone representation of someone ahead of their time.
More Funny Definitions:
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Positive Adjective Glossary
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