of English Words

© 2001-2017 Systemagic Productions

A.

Aaaack: Utterance upon running face first into a spider web  - and realizing that you don't know where the spider is now.

 

 

Aardvark: The honest way to make money.  

Abalone: Nonsense!

Abash: A great party.

Abdicate: To renounce stomach exercises

Abdominal: Legendary snowman.

Abominable: What you have when a male bovine swallows dynamite. 
Absentee: Missing golf accessory.

Abstract Logic: 1. See definition two. 2. See definition one. 

Abundance: Big party held in a bakery.

Abundunce:  A dumb bunny.  

Acclaim: Something a good insurance agent knows how to handle.

Accordion: Pleated bagpipe.

Accordianated: Ability to drive and refold a road map at the same time.

Accountant: 1) Person who feels good when things are looking black.  2) One who uses your books to figure his profit.

Accrue:  People who run a ship.

Accumulate:  Slang way of asking, "Why are you tardy?"

Acetone: Thatís the sound when you pick up the phone.   

Acme: Pimples on the tip of your nose.

Acoustic: What you play pool with.

Acquit: Fed-up employee statement.

Acre: Someone who aches.

Acronym: Name for a gymnast.

Acupuncture: A jab well done.

Adamant: The first insect.

Address: Attire worn by some females.

Adventure:  Somewhere between entertainment and panic.

After dinner mint: Funds required upon receipt of check.

Aftermath:  Period following algebra.

Air pollution: Mist demeanor.

Airplane: A lot of parts flying in close formation.

Alarm clock: Machine that scares the daylights into people without kids.

Alcoholic: A person who drinks more than his physician. 

Alimony: 1) Fee for name-dropping. 2) Bye now, pay later. 3) Bounty after the mutiny. 4) The high cost of leaving. 5) The billing without the cooing.

Aloha:  Reduce volume; Ďplease speak in aloha voice.í

Alone: What the bank leaves you.
Alphabet: Fifty percent of a wager.
Allure: See Debate.

Alp: A European skierís shout for assistance.

Ambidextrose: Able to put sugar in coffee with both hands.

Amenable: A prayer. 

America: One nation, under God, with liberty, large fries, and a Coke to go.

Amidst:  Thick fog.

Amoebit:  Amoeba/rabbit cross able to multiply and divide at the same time.

Anaerobic: Unwilling to exercise.

Anno Domini (AD): No more dominoes.

Antacid: Hallucinogenic drugs used by little bugs.

Ants:  People who marry uncles.

Antiquarian:  Ant born between Jan 21-Feb 23.

Antelope: A type of family scandal.

Apathy:  Who cares?

Apex: Former spouse of a gorilla.

Apparent: One's mother or father.

Apricot: Where a baby gorilla sleeps.

Aquarium:  Interactive television for cats.  

Arachnoleptic Fit: The frantic dance performed just after accidentally walking through a spider web.

Arbitrator: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.

Archaic: What we eat after ar dinner.

Archaeologist: 1) Ghoul with credentials. 2) Person whose career lies in ruins.

Armadillo: 1) Possum on the half-shell. 2) Texas speed bump.

Aroma: Whisper heard by nose.

Aromatic: Automatic longbow.

Arson: Not ar daughter.

Array: What comes out of Buck Roger's gun.  

Arrays: What you demand from your boss.

Arrears: Our two organs of hearing.

Arteologist: One who digs old paintings.

Artery: Study of paintings.

Artifact:  Something only an art major would know.

Artistic License: You're looking at it.  

Aspirin:  Having great ambitions.

Asset:  A little donkey.

Astronaut:  Whirled traveler.

Astronomer:  Night watchman.

Atheism: 1) A deep religious faith in the non-existence of God. 2) A non-prophet organization.

Atheist: One with no invisible means of support.

Atomizer: Cheapskate who hoards microscopic particles.

Attorney:  Major sporting event.

Audiophile: Stereotype.

Authorize: What writers see with.

Automobile:  A four-wheeled vehicle that runs up hills and down pedestrians.
Autumn: When nature goes baroque.  
Awestruck: Feeling when your team loses unexpectedly.

Avoidable: What a bullfighter does.

Axe: Inquire

 

 B.  

Baby-Sitter: 1) A teen-ager who must behave like an adult so that adults may behave like teen-agers. 2) One you hire to watch TV.

Bachelor: 1) A man who Mrs. nothing. 2) An unaltared male. 3) A rolling stone that gathers no boss.

Bacteria: Lunchroom for chiropractors.  

Bail: Made hay.  

Bailiff: Dried up leaf, used in cooking.

Bald: When youíre taller than your hair.  

Balderdash: Rapidly receding hairline.

Baloney: Where some hemlines fall.

Banality: Any joke about a banana. For example:..

Bananosecond: Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement.  

Bandwidth: Limited by the size of the stage.

Bar: What a Southerner hunts in the woods.  

Bar Stool: What hillbillies sometimes step in.

Barbarous: Bad hair cut.  

Bard: Past tense of "to borrow."

Bargain: Buy two soaps and get one free.

Barium: What you do with dead chemists.

Baroque: When you are out of Monet.

Barren: A naked bird.

Bawlroom: Hospital nursery.

Beach Wiccan: A sand witch.

Beatnik: Santa Claus the day after Christmas.

Beauty: 1) [Internal] A quality that most times comes from within - jars, tubes and bottles; 2)  [External] Given by Mother Nature and taken by Father Time.

Beauty parlour:  A place where women curl up and dye.  

Bee: Fly with a fur coat.

Beheading: Loss of face.

Belittle: Shrink!

Belly button: Salt holder when eating celery in bed.

Benign: What you be after you be eight.  

Bernadette: The act of torching a mortgage.

Bide: Purchased.

Bigotry: One of the California redwoods.

Bikini: Public Waist.

Bipolar: Eskimo marketing slogan.

Bison: What a buffalo says to his kid when he's leaving.

Bit: Unit by which computer programmers lose their sanity.

Black hole: 1) God dividing by zero. 2) The "subway" of the universe.

Blunderbuss: Vehicle used for random traveling.

Book: The original random access device.

Boss:  Someone who's late when you're early and early when you're late.

Bottom: What the shopper did when she found the shoes that she wanted.

Boulder: Less timid.

Boy: A noise with dirt on it. 

Bother: a Pooh poo.

Bouyant: Male hill insect.

Bore: Someone who talks about himself when he should be talking about yourself.

Brain: The apparatus with which we think that we think.

Breadth: A wide loaf.

Buccaneer: Unit cost of corn on the cob.

Bucktooth: Going rate for the tooth fairy.

Budget: 1) A record of what the money should have been spent for.2) Methodical debt incursion.

Buffet: French for making a pig of yourself.  

Bulimia: Retched excess.

Bulldozer:  Someone who sleeps through political speeches.

Bungalow: Unfortunate buffalo that can't do anything right.  

Bunion: Paul's surname.

Bunny: Bakery characteristic.

Bureaucat: A kitty who sleeps on your undies.

Burglarize: What a crook sees with.

Bust: Stone representation of someone ahead of their time.

 

More Funny Definitions:

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